About Me & The Mission Statement

My goal is not to force change on anyone who does not consciously desire it. My goal is not to express whine or prove that I am right. If I am to be remembered for one thing, let it be that I stressed there is no one right way to live. I only wish to demonstrate through my own experience that there are alternative ways to live if people desire it.

My name is Hadrian*. I am 20 years new (read: 20 times round the sun). I can describe myself as FTM, but I honestly think this is the least weird or interesting thing about me. I keep notes on my transition here. I think this is one component of my self-realisation (becoming totally and uniquely myself).

I write for my own sanity, to provide an unflinching testimony and representation of myself in the face of those who would silence me and have me conform; in spite of a culture that has issued an edict against knowing yourself, being yourself, and expressing yourself fully.

I dropped out/took a break from college in 2004. I don’t think an education can be bought, and I wanted to explore non-traditional forms of education, to direct my own learning. 

I really love learning, but not school. There is a difference. Learning is about exploring possibilities, asking new questions. School is about learning your place, getting the right answers. I don’t mean to suggest that one can’t learn in school, only to point out that there’s more to school than learning. School unfortunately comes with a hidden agenda.

In some ways being out of school is a bit harder because I’m accountable to myself and have a lot of options from which to choose. (I don’t like to choose one thing over another.) For a while it felt weird not having anyone tell me what to do, but I’ve gotten over that. I seek out things that interest me and change my studies whenever I want.

Whenever you dare to do something different, a plethora of well-meaning people pop up to advise against your decision. They chide you, tell you to play it safe. At times they even seem reasonable, but maybe you feel this nagging feeling in your gut asking, “What if….?” What if I don’t listen to them? It’s frightening and exhilarating at the same time.

Another reason I stopped out of school was to explore the idea of “success” without college. In this experiment I have defined success for myself and taken a crooked, winding path. 

[Please note that I’m not against college. For some people it offers a great way to actualize their dreams. I am against promotion of college as the only way to “success” and the limitation of the definition of success to the American Dream, or “having it all”.]

I am furthermore an oddity because I did well in school; I was considered smart and thought to have a bright future in store. It is generally assumed that smart people will want to go to college. To the great disappointment of my parents, I had different ideas.

Some of these ideas are in my blog. A lot are in my offline [paper] journal. I might decide to write more essays detailing my experiences in the future.

I define success as doing what I want to do VS what other people think I should be doing. I don’t really have a desire to own a car at this point, or a house. I don’t feel poor because I don’t make a lot of money or have a lot of possessions. I’m not against making money, I’m just against letting it define my self-worth. 

I presently work as a reporter in a small town in New Mexico. (I won’t be more specific about it than that.) I don’t want to work a full-time job, and my self-worth does not depend on the job I hold. I don’t have a lot of formal education, but I teach myself and learn a lot. I think people sometimes forget that passion counts more than having a piece of paper that says you’re an expert in some thing.

I’m in the business of making impossibilities into reality. I believe that there is more than can be experienced with the mind. (I also think stuffed animals communicate with people and other things like trees do, too.) My intuition overrules logic and reason in some of my decisions. My lifestyle is obviously not for those who crave greater security.

I have a unique point of view, so I might not share some of your assumptions. Please be considerate! While I encourage critiques, comments and questions, please waste your time elsewhere if you only want to prove that you’re right and that I’m immature and wrong. I am open to new ideas and earnestly considering the opinions of others, so give me the same courtesy. Remember: everyone doesn’t have to hold the same views. It’s okay—no, it’s great if we don’t!

TERMS TO DESCRIBE ME

Chinese zodiac sign: Fire tiger

Western Astrology sign: Aries (sun); aquarius (moon)

INFP

Enneagram type 4

Gifted adult**

Adult** indigo

Empathy

Wanderer

Transman

Queer/sexual

These are not to limit, label, or intentional isolate myself from others, but to point out some characteristics I might have and aid in understanding my complexity.

I am generally joyful, tho I feel other emotions at times. All is necessary and good. I’m here to crash the trans*, introvert and other oddball pity parties. To do this, I have to first understand and accept myself. I hope that as others join me through my journeys they will gain some insights through my sharing, come to love themselves and have the

courage to do whatever it takes for them to be happy. 

Notes

* If you know me, you know that Hadrian is an online alias. If you don’t….it doesn’t matter that much. 

** I am a little uncomfortable with other people’s ideas about what it means to be an “adult”. I just want to mature, but I don’t want to grow old in spirit. I should like to remain forever young and childlike in heart and mind. 

Edited 2007.02.05 version 1.00